It’s hard to believe it has been so long since I have written. But something happened in the middle of October. It started with just feeling tired all the time. I even canceled a Life Coaching appointment I had that month. I was just so exhausted I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to give it my full attention. I love my Coach and love spending time with her. Even when we get into some pretty heavy emotional stuff, I feel better for having talked to her. For me to have canceled an appointment – that should have been a red flag.
I also adopted another dog. He’s a sweet old guy, a darling hound dog. But as my boyfriend pointed out to me – this was the wrong time to add a third (yes, third) member to my canine pack. I am trying to pay off debt so I can work on my business, I have limited time and energy – and I was already feeling depleted. He was 100% right, and I told him so. And yet, I went ahead and did it anyway. Why? Because everything in the world was feeling pretty terrible and I was feeling like I couldn’t do a dang thing about it. But there was one thing I could do – I could help this sweet old boy have a great life.
The world feels like it is in shambles politically and economically. People are just being terrible to one another. And then, looming ever closer – the holidays. Now, I have to be honest, I have been talking to people about their holidays and I keep asking, “How was your Thanksgiving?” “How was Christmas? Did you have fun?” “Was it a good New Year’s?” And almost to a tee, everyone answered like this: small shrug, and, “it was…. fine.” When I dug into it, there were all sorts of ugly things going on during people’s “happiest time of the year.” And I have to say, mine was just lovely. My family is super low-key and we work to make things easy as possible on each other. We don’t fight, we help each other out, we keep it stress-free. So, I had it good.
But with help from my Coach, (I was so wound up the best I could do was pull into a parking lot, open up the Messanger app and finally talk-to-text message her in one big stream of conscious word vomit of “let me come back!”,) I realized that I have been having some low-grade depression. I call it low-grade because BIG depression I can usually recognize. I know its tells. But this was like a long lingering mild cold, hanging out in the background making me wonder – is it allergies or am I sick? What is going on?
I think the combination of stress and sadness about what I see, the shortened days and gray weather, the pressure of the season all kind of piled up on me. I took a bit of a break from the business, and then that break just kept going… and going. Not that I haven’t done anything (my office is coming along beautifully,) but I am behind where I would like to be. I don’t believe one has to wait until the New Year to start something new – every day you have millions of opportunities to start up again – but since the New Year is here, why not use it?
One of the things I had been doing previously is devoting an hour a day to myself and my business. It could be over breakfast, on a lunch hour or in the evening, or even broken up into smaller chunks of time, but making sure I was always progressing. That stopped too. It’s time to get back on that train. I have some really big goals for this year, things I want – I need – to accomplish. I know I can do it if I keep moving forward.
So, let’s get back to this, shall we?